THOSE KIDS: No Goodbye
I knew this May would be hard because I would be saying good-bye. I would be leaving my school to take everything I learned and apply at a new school. I would be saying good-bye to some of the best people I have ever known – coworkers who became more. Friends. Confidants. Support systems. Allies. My people. And even more hard would be the good-bye to the kids. MY kids. THOSE kids. Young people who changed who I am – everything about me. The way I think. They way I act. The way I believe. The way I teach.
Yesterday I cleaned out my room – a room where time had stood still for the past 9 weeks. I cleaned the papers out of the basket to be graded and picked up markers off the table, knowing exactly which student had not picked up after himself. I took down the poetry off the wall, reading the words, the emotions, that so many of my students had spent weeks writing. I cleared the post-it reminders off my computer and tore pages off the calendar. Everything was thrown away. There were no folders of work going home this summer. There was no end of the year project. I then emptied bookshelves and file cabinets and desk drawers. I stood standing in the same blank room I had three years before. On that day I was beginning my journey. Yesterday I was saying goodbye. Except there was no one to say goodbye too. And that was harder than any goodbye I was planning. No goodbye.
As I walked out of the building and buzzed myself out for the last time, I thought about what I wished I could have said to the people I stood by every day – the coworkers I had during my time:
To My People:
When I started working with each of you, I knew almost immediately I had found my people. Finally, someone laughed at the same things I did and got my sense of humor. You were the creative, innovative, and passionate people I had been searching for. You joined me outside the box. You trusted me when I said “I have an idea” or “I want to try something”. You were there for me when it was a smashing success and you picked me up when I fell flat on my face. I had never felt more part of a team.
I hope you know how much I learned from each of you. I am a better teacher because of you. I learned to patient and to slow down. I learned to look at student behavior as communication and to see past the immediate behaviors. I saw that it is possible to set high expectations while being empathetic and kind. I learned that I alone could make progress, but together we could move mountains. I admire you. I respect you. I thank you. I thank my fellow teachers for the collaboration and the motivation you gave me to persevere in even the toughest situations. For the staff that was in my room, I thank you for having my back every single day, for jumping and being such a crucial part of my classroom, and for being so committed to the students I know we all love.
Most importantly, I thank you because I am a better person because of you. Each one of you had an amazing impact on who I am. I will miss our heart to heart talks and your smiles. I will miss the laughter and the absurdity that often occurred as part of our normal. Each and every one of you are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am here for you always.
Much love,
Candace Boehm
And as I drove away and watched the small school building disappear in the rearview mirror, I thought about what I wish I could have said to them. My students:
To My Students:
Being your teacher was one of the greatest honors of my life. I know that you shared parts of you with me. I know many of you let your guard down and trusted me. You let me see who you really were and I know how hard that was for most of you. What I want you to know is that I saw you. I really saw you.
And it wasn’t the loud and rude and misbehaviors I saw. It wasn’t the mistakes you had made. I saw you. I saw kindness and compassion and empathy. I saw you support your peers and hug your staff and willingly lend a hand. Every day I came to school and you wanted to make sure I was okay. I know because every day you asked. You will never know how many days your smile and your kind words were the reason I survived. I saw grit and perseverance. The situations I have watched you face and the letdowns I watched you endure showed me the true definition of strength. I saw humor and talent and hope rise above any kind of pain and trauma. You are some of the funniest kids I have ever met. You are some of the best writers and artists and singers and performers I have ever had the chance to teach. I saw you. I saw your hopes and your goals and your dreams. Not only did I see those, but I believed in them.
I believe in you. If I could be with you on the last day of school, I would put my hands on each side of your face, look you in the eyes, and say, “I believe in you. You are not only enough all on your own. You are more than enough. You are smart and you are capable and you can do anything you want. I don’t care who has or will tell you differently because they are wrong. Do not listen to them. Hear me. For the rest of your life remember the words I am about to say to you. Your yesterdays do NOT define you. You are NOT your past behaviors or actions or mistakes. Today you are amazing and tomorrow will be even more amazing. You are capable and I believe in you.”
And then, I would say, “I love you. You now hold a piece of my heart forever. So go be strong and go be brave and go be great. Have super big dreams and set crazy huge goals. I love you.”
All my heart,
Mrs. Boehm
And now as I start to sort through box after box determining what goes with me to my next classroom, I can only feel gratitude for what is was. The most amazing chapter with an unexpected ending. Amazing people. Amazing memories. Amazing lessons. Amazing love. Just no goodbye.