I’m Not Going to Talk About the Gay Kid Anymore

I’m not going to talk about the gay kid anymore.  Or the bisexual kid. Or the transgender kid.  Labels.  How come the labels always get to me before the student?  I teach in a psychiatric hospital and the labels travel fast. I know when I was in a general education building the labels flew across the building. A student comes into my room and quickly someone says, “Well you know he’s gay right?”  No, I didn’t and so what.  Is that really the first thing I need to know?  Will that be the determining factor in their success or failure in my classroom?  Could the information about their personality and their learning styles and their goals and their strengths and weaknesses make it to me before the labels?  Maybe it’s just me, but I want to talk about more.  I want to know my students as more than a label.

I would love to talk to you about Tyler.  Hands down, one of my most memorable students.  Tyler had charisma.  He was charming. Everyone wanted to be around him.  Every day he would work with a peer, helping them through the math task I had assigned.  Never giving them the answer but teaching them.  He was compassionate and empathetic.  He led with his heart and you could tell when others were hurting so was he.  He was a survivor.  He had endured horrific bullying, including both verbal and physical assault. He didn’t hate though.  He forgave.  He wants to be a social worker or counselor and work with troubled youth.  He told me once he wants to make a difference.  He will.  I am certain of that.  Oh yeah, and he was bisexual.  Doesn’t seem like the only thing I should know about him, does it?

I would love to talk about Hunter. He was a small, quiet boy but very intelligent.  He would work quietly and meticulously.  He was very concerned with understanding the material and not just getting it finished.  He was interested in technology and wanted to pursue a career with computers.  He liked one on one attention and when I would stop to help him, he would often ask if I would stay kneeling at his desk, so we could talk.  Sure. Every single time he wanted to know how my day was and how I was doing first. Pretty amazing selflessness for a teenager. Then he would talk about himself. He once told me he struggled with depression.  He said his home life was really bad and that he didn’t think he would be returning home again.  He said my parents don’t want me. They made me chose between being at home and being who I am.  I chose to be who I am. He went on to say I’m strong and I will survive.  I’m going to get through this and help others. Tyler was born Natalie.  He was transgender.  Yes, it was a very important part of his story, but it wasn’t his character.  His character and his truth were so much bigger than just his gender.

I would love to talk about Henry. Hands down, one of the most talented young people I have ever met. He could draw and write poetry and write stories.  So creative. So imaginative. Just so talented.  I write a blog and I let him read an article I was getting ready to post.  I asked if he could interpret my writing in art.  Sure.  Thirty minutes later he had perfectly captured my feeling of being in awe of the universe and feeling like such a small part of the world as I was snorkeling alone in the Sea of Cortez by drawing me inside of a single drop of water snorkeling face to face with a beautiful fish.  Beyond impressive! The potential and possibilities for this kid are endless.  Oh, did I forget to mention he’s gay too.  Doesn’t seem that important compared to all that talent.

I would love to talk about Harriet.  Such an old soul in such a young woman.  Her thoughts were deep and often I would sit in amazement as I listened to her take or opinions on various topics.  She knew politics and current events and world affairs.  Pretty impressive for a 16-year-old. She was so intelligent, always thinking outside the box to figure out new ways to solve old problems. She was opinionated and knew her voice.  She wouldn’t back down from an argument.  She wants to be lawyer. Perfect! With her mind and her spirit, the world is hers for the taking.  Ask Harriet if she’s gay and she would tell you yes.  Ask Harriet if she’s bisexual and she would tell you yes.  Ask Harriet is she’s straight and she would tell you yes.  Ask Harriet about her sexuality and she would say I’m young and I’m not sure, but I’m not worried about it.  I’m just going to live right now.  Why are you so worried about it?

I not trying to discount the struggles of youth in the LGBTQ community.  I see every day the struggles these kids face.  Remember my students are all in psychiatric inpatient treatment. l know just how real their problems are.  They are kids whose parents have turned them away, kids who have been bullied, kids who have turned to drugs and alcohol, kids who have self-harmed as a way to escape, and kids who have made attempts at taking their own lives.  In our school environment, we encourage communication and honesty and openness.  We talk about everything. One of my students recently said, “When you’re gay, that’s the reason for everything.” If I’m sad it’s because I’m gay. If I’m struggling in a class, it’s because I’m gay. If I’m having trouble with my peers, it’s because I’m gay.  I just wish people knew that most of the time I’m sad because it’s a bad day.  We all have them. If I’m struggling in a class, it’s because the class is hard. If I’m struggling with my peers, it’s because I’m a teenager and we all struggle with our peers.  Being gay is something that I am but it certainly isn’t who I am.”

Wow!  That was the profound moment for me. My students may come to me with a label based on something that they are, such as their sexuality, but now I’m going to make sure they leave with much more accurate labels.  I’m going to label them for who they are. Poet. Athlete. Friend. Scholar. Advocate. Artist. Leader. Sibling. Mentor. Musician.  Comedian. Son. Daughter. Survivor.  I’m going to label them for their character. Curious. Compassionate. Empathetic. Motivated. Determined. Reliable. Confident. Creative. Gracious. Resilient. Strong. I’ll talk about them.  I’ll talk about them every day. I’ll talk about them to everyone. I’m proud of them.  They are amazing.  I will talk about their sexuality and the struggles, the setbacks, the pain, the fear, and adversity they have faced.  But only if we also talk about the successes and the hopes and the dreams and the goals.  We’re going to cover the whole story – the whole person!   That’s just how we’re going to do it.